Thursday, June 12, 2008

My Magazine Awards! aren't you excited..

Best Fashion

High Fashion:

I feel as though Elle is the best suited magazine for high fashion.
And I'm right, it is.
Beware of the self-professed cult, Vogue.
All they can stand for is the iconic name of their magazine.
They sell by covers alone.

Trendy:

I guess Nylon is a pretty original magazine...
It's the credulous hipsters whom buy it that make me disown it from my shelf.
TRENDY= bad, if you weren't already aware.

Fun:

Okay, TeenVogue is probably the most fun magazine to read since...well, I won't spoil my awards within the first category.
The fashion is eccentric and tasteful. It isn't at all trendy to the point where you feel as though you're looking at pictures of people you see in the city, or worse, your high school.
Although they frequently repeat their health topics, it doesn't matter because they're being acknowledged for their fashion right now.


Best Beauty

Most Trusted:

Theres a reason why they call it "The Beauty Expert".
As they print the people's opinion on almost every product they review, they also quote the specialist's (dermatologist, hair stylist, makeup artist, etc) evaluation too, which is very helpful.
Allure is the first to give you the info. on beauty's latest breakthrough products, promise.

Fun Makeup:

I know I gave Teen Vogue the most fun fashion award, but they really hold up for makeup too.
It's more of the makeup idea's they spark that makes it the winner.

Best Articles


Elle again!
They can sometimes have the most bizarre articles...
A few of my favorites; How an eco-friendly lifestyle turns into an dysfunctional obsession, a woman tells how she becomes involved with environmental terrorists (catch the theme?), and how the perfect face would look (proportions, etc) digitally.
It can sometimes be easy to miss these columns, your eyes aren't fully trained until about 5 issues later.
So if you have an old issue laying about somewhere near the hamper, blow the dust off the cover and "take a whack at it!".

Best Discontinued


I'm sorry Teen Vogue, but Elle Girl was the best fcuking teen magazine in the United States.
And they KNEW IT. The numbers proved.
The reason for pulling it off the shelf? Some mumbo jumbo about reaching teen girls more directly through the Internet (notice how alive the website looks), because apparently every teen girl is some tech-addict whom drowns herself in the computer screen everyday...
Lol, reverse sarcasm. I know every teen girl is a tech-addict whom drowns herself in the computer screen everyday.
But really, I'd like to see their popularity in numbers that their website stands by.
Closing the magazine was surely a mistake.
But, on the other hand...it was why I began reading Elle. It was the closest thing I was left with.

Best Old School


HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT American Girl !?!?!?
Shame on you! I bet you never would have thought to see this next. How sneaky of me to think of it last minute.
This magazine was more like a bible to girls back in my time (eh, mid-90's).
Of course we were all 8 years old...
Each of my annual monthly Slumber Parties (not Sleepovers, SLUMBER P-A-R-T-I-E-S) were practically a torn page from this phenomenal zine.
And NO ONE missed Sharice's Slumber Parties. No one.
In fact, I can't tell you how many times someone has shown up whom I hadn't even known or invited, BEGGING my mother and I to let them attend (Honestly, I'm not joking).
My mother's friends even came!
Anyway...the point is that this magazine is responsible for numerous friendships and my high- ranking Elementary School social status.


The Hall Of Shame


Tisk, Tisk...
What happened to Seventeen?
It used to be a cool magazine in the 90's-early 2000's.
Was this their idea of a comeback?
I've been slowly watching them dig their grave.
The clothing got worse, the beauty sections became more unfinished, and the "true life" stories are repetitions.
Not to mention, the way they cheat America's Next Top Model winners.
In the prize, it states that the winner will be featured on the cover of Seventeen Magazine.
Well twice, TWICE, have they made the ANTM winner share the cover with another celebrity.
One of those back-to-back cover things, and a microscopic interview with them.
Total schmucks.
I still keep my subscription, however, out of tradition and pure pity.
There will always be that ONE article I take interest in though; how to achieve sparkly hair, or informing me how dangerous a hot tub could be. Still, they cease to impress me.


Teen Magazine. I bought this magazine twice.
The first time was because Rachel Bilson was on the cover (I was once a devoted OC fan).
The inside was a mess of horribly taken pictures of celebrities with obvious but random facts about their beauty routine. I must have seen the old "I wash my face religiously" more than once.
It seemed to me that the magazine couldn't decide if it wanted to do false tabloids or give bad beauty advice. I assumed that I had just picked up an experimental issue with a star on the cover to get it sold and read.
It's been 3 years and they still haven't decided...


Good Lord, if there was ever a worse magazine than Teen...this is it.
It's about 4 pages long and uses the same tactics as the mag above. The DECEIVING COVER.
I even hated this "magazine" when I was 12.
I swear to God, they don't have a staff.
They don't even have sentences.
Phrases and pictures are more like it.
Obviously, they assume that the age group they're aiming toward can't READ.
Since when are American tweens illiterate?
If your daughter reads this magazine, you've failed as a parent.


On that note, I hope you've learned something.